Life of a Suicide
by Jasper's My Name
Summary: How does it feel to love somone, and not be loved back? Heart breaking? Painful? Jasper deals with it all. His unrequited love goes unreturned by the woman he loves...


Movin' Along

I was sitting in my room thinking about fairy tales. The pills were on the nightstand. I just had to take one more than usual, and then everything would be over forever. I wanted to kill myself for the girl I loved, but didn't love me back. I was thinking about how Cinderella and Snow White got their happily ever after, while I felt that everyone else was after me. My life seemed to be made out of many stories that never seemed to have a happy ending. This story won't either. Before I killed myself however, I wanted to remember everything…

Alice Brandon, well Alice _Cullen_ now I suppose. We had been friends since we were in diapers_. _We learned to walk together and everything. She used to sneak into my room at night when we were younger. She was my best friend other than my sister Bella. Bella is older than me by two years. I lived with her because she was twenty and I was sick of living at home. Alice lived down town. Bella was going to NYU and working part time as a waitress. All the trouble leading to the present times started where most of these stories start. When Alice started dating. She had no Idea how much it hurt when she would announce in a happy voice she was going on a date with so and so boy at so and so time, to so and so place. How much it hurt to have to force a smile onto my face to make her happy, so she wouldn't worry. I would do anything to keep her happy and I didn't even know why. When she announced she was going out with Austin, I didn't even hide it this time. I mumbled a 'goodbye' and a 'good luck, have fun' and went up into my room. I lay on the bed and closed my eyes. Someone opened the door and sat on my bed. I didn't have to open my eyes to know it was Bella.

"Why don't you just tell her?" She asked as she snuggled into my side.

"Tell her what?" Bella scoffed and shoved me softly as I put an arm around her.

"Tell her that you love her! Sometimes you are really dumb you know." I smiled. I couldn't tell Alice I loved her, she might not love me back. I buried my face in my sister's hair. She could read my face so easily.

"I'm scared Bellsy.I want to tell her but I can't."She reached her hand up awkwardly to play with my hair.

"I was scared too, but I told Jacob I loved him and look at me now!"She held up her left and where on her fourth finger she sported a lovely diamond ring. I grinned. She couldn't stop showing it off ever since he gave it to her a month ago.

"Are you telling me I should propose to Alice?" she scoffed.

"Only if you want her to plan her own wedding." I grinned at this too. Alice had demanded that she plan Bella and Jacob's wedding. She stood up and signaled to me she was going to take a shower and get to work. I jumped up off the bed and wrapped my arms around her. She snuggled her head into the crook under my arm.

"I love you Bella."

"I know." I rolled my eyes and finally let her go.

She stopped right outside the door and turned around.

"By the way I told Alice you'd go get her at the next metro station." I groaned and flopped back on my bed as she exited.

I was sitting at the station waiting for the metro car to show up. When it did, I saw Alice immediately even though she was at least a head shorter than everyone else. I was ridiculously attuned to her. When she spotted me and smiled my heart stopped beating. She was breath taking.

"Hey Jazz." She seemed a bit put down. She was struggling to keep a smile on her face and it pained me to see her like this.

"What's up?" She shook her head and kept walking. I held open the car door for her, and walked to my side of the car. I started the car and watched her in the rearview mirror as I drove. I saw the occasional tear run down her face. It was too much. I pulled over on the side of the road.

"Alice, baby, what's wrong?" I asked, concerned as I wiped afresh tear from her face. She broke down completely at the sound of my voice. I lifted her from her seat and sat her in my lap. I cradled her like a small child and rocked forwards and backwards, murmuring words of comfort to her. When she calmed down enough to speak, the words that came out of her mouth surprised me.

"Love is real." _Love is real. That's not what I feel…_

When we finally finished the ample amounts of errands Bella had sent us to do. Alice had a smile back on her face, but this one was genuine. W e got back to Bella and my apartment and plopped on the couch. I was happy I was on vacation. If I had had any classes the next morning, I would cry. Alice had plopped into my lap. And lay with her head on my chest, her eyes closed, looking so peaceful. I couldn't help myself, I kissed her. I pulled back; surprised I had the gall to do that. I was surprised that she did not slap me. I was surprised that she pulled me back for another kiss. I pulled her closer to my body, I needed her as close as she could be. She reached up and grabbed handfuls of my hair in her tiny fists. She pulled away to breath and I planted butterfly kisses up and down her throat from her collar-bone to below her ear. She moaned when I flicked my tongue against her skin. My hands were tracing her body, going up and down her sides, feeling oddly pleased whenever she shivered. Alice was driving me equally crazy. Her hands had found their way underneath my shirt until she decided it was unnecessary ad undid all the buttons. She ran her hands all over my stomach. Alice absentmindedly rand her thumb over the sensitive skin (AN: sensitive for me anyway it tickles!) under my bellybutton. I gasped and she looked up, mischievously. Before she could do anything, I flipped us over.

"Now it's my turn." I trailed kisses from her jaw to her ear and back. Alice was moaning in ecstasy. In a frustrated attempt to reach her collarbone, I tore her shirt. I was greeted by the sight of Alice's hot pink bra. I cocked an eyebrow at her. She shrugged and I continued rubbing my lips against her throat. The inside of my fore-arm brushed her breast and I could feel the skin contract at my touch. I moved my hands upwards form their position on her lower back, until I reached the hooks. I pulled them apart slowly and moved the straps on her arms off. I licked the place between her breasts and heard her whimper. I transported my mouth to her left breast and blew against the nipple. Alice started squirming. I smiled and kissed it ever so gently. I did the same to the other one. I released her hands and watched as she pulled down her skirt revealing a pair of matching underwear.

"It's not fair that you still have you clothes on." She pouted. She removed the shirt from my shoulders and left me in nothing but my boxers. She put her legs around my waist and I could feel how wet she was. As I kissed her she rubbed the sensitive skin again and I groaned in her mouth. I could feel my boxers being slipped of as I slipped off her panties. I massaged her breasts until she arched her back. I took her sudden surrender as a chance to enter. The wet folds of her were all around me. There was nothing but ecstasy and bliss. I moved at a steady pace, slowly yet surely. She urged me to go faster and I complied. The tempo increased ten-fold and her screams of, 'Jasper, Jasper' got louder and louder until her release came. A few seconds later mine came as well. I rolled off of her, the sweat pouring down my back. She curled into my chest and closed her eyes. I covered us both with the afghan on the couch, happy that Bella was spending the night at Jacob's. I looked down at Alice tenderly. She was like a small kitten next to a big dog she trusted. _I must really love this woman. I kiss her and know it will cause me pain; I make love to her knowing I'll feel bad about it in the morning. I love Alice, my Alice…_ With that last thought I drifted off to sleep myself.


End file.
